- Wozza
- Wozza, or ‘That cheating b@stard Warren’ to his closet friends, is somewhat competitive when it comes to golf. Having scoring 86 Stapleford points on Saturday’s game last year, his handicap is now under investigation by the powers that be. Make sure you are on his team.
- Piwi Kete
- The shy retiring member of the team, Pete is a man for whom alcohol and golf are a match made in heaven. Pity the fool who shares a room with him – Pete has a medical condition that allows him to drink until dawn and still feel tip top after 1 hour’s sleep. Still he can’t putt for sh*t and is fatter than John Daly.
- Big Rod
- Always alert, organised and on the ball – you can rely on Rod never to turn up late for his tee time. (Yeah right!) The man is a consummate professional, throwing scorn on those who use tees, preferring to take a three iron off the deck instead. Has been known to hit the ball quite far when he gets behind it (and doesn’t need to do a log the size of a garlic baguette).
- Squilligan
- Squilligan, AKA Phil, always looks forward to a weekend away with the boys as it’s a good rest from looking after his alcoholic missus. His 45 degree stance on the tee is a prerequisite for someone with a golf shot shaped like a banana. He’s aiming to steer clear of any bogs or muddy ponds this year.
- Fluff
- Fluff, or Simon, has a worrying addiction to Vaseline, which he applies liberally when on golf trips. This slippery mutha is without a doubt the best player in the group (and the copywriter for this site).
- Nelly Furshanko
- Nelly, or Neil to his friends, has never taken anything less than a driver off every tee he’s ever played on. His love of the big bertha is only matched by the foulness of his language when he hits it out of bounds.
- Big Chief Walk in Trees
- Otherwise known as Chris, Walk in Trees could be mistaken for having an obsessive interest in plants and fauna, but in reality he’s scouring the ground for balls, having played 3 of the tee for the first 9 holes. Never one to shy away from hitting a wood in any situation, his irons are simply there for show.
- Jon Bon
- The newest recruit to the pack, Leo is a school friend of Walk in Trees and they share a penchant for the odd mulligan here and there. Try 2 per hole. His nickname means ‘bandit’ in Cantonese apparently. Do not play this man for money.